Writing Manuals

Last year I joined both the Sisters in Crime and the subset group the Guppies- the Great Unpublished.  At first I was completely overwhelmed.  There was so much information flooding into my inbox that I couldn’t keep up.  After a few weeks of just deleting every email in desperation- without reading a single line- I finally managed to get on top of the wave.  I still get behind occasionally, but for the most part I’ve learned how to sieve for the useful stuff.

During my reading of the various conversations that come up in the SinC and Gup emails, I’ve noticed at a lot of advice revolves around which writing manuals to buy.  That big picture up there is one of the most popular.

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Living with Anxiety

Anxiety is hard. Have a website filled with cute animals.

I may or may not have had anxiety all my life.  What I do know is that I’ve had identifiable anxiety symptoms since my dad was diagnosed with cancer while I was in high school.  (It will now come as no surprise to you that my anxiety, at it’s base, is health-focused.)

At first I didn’t know it was anxiety.  I was diagnosed with ‘stress,’ asthma, and ‘have you tried prayer?’ over the years.  It wasn’t until college that I learned the magic phrase ‘anxiety disorder.’  Turns out, having an overactive amygdala runs in my family.  I got myself into therapy (thanks free college shrinks!) and my wonderful, supportive general practitioner gave me a prescription for Lorazepam.  Between the two, my panic attacks, anxiety attacks, and general anxiety were brought down to manageable levels, so my diagnosis faded into the background.  The occasional panic attack still occurred, but once that I knew what they were I could ride them out.

However, my laissez-faire approach backfired fairly spectacularly almost two years ago.  After an extremely stressful engagement, I spent the first six-eight months of marriage gripped by a major depressive episode.  I spent days unable to get off the couch, hating myself and convinced that Kevin had made a terrible mistake in tying himself to a useless lump like me.   Panic attacks, anxiety attacks, depersonalization, insomnia… all of it was up for grabs.

Since then I’ve had to take a much more proactive approach to my mental health.  Some of what I’ve learned is ‘common knowledge,’ some are, I think, pretty unique.    Here are a few of the things that I have found helpful, I hope someone else will get some use out of them two.
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My Writing Sucks

About three years ago I quit grad school to focus on writing.  (And also my mental health, but that’s not the point at the moment.)  I had an idea, I had done all the research, I was ready.  And then I spent the next two and a half years working on this manuscript, laboring, tweaking, even going so far as to pay for a professional critique.  The critique came back with what I had suspected for a few months by that point- it was rubbish.  (I think that is an actual quote; I’m too much of a coward to go back and make sure.)

After that I hit a few months of depression.  I wanted to be an author.  But how could I be an author when years of work created drivel?  (Maybe that was it.  Still not checking.)

Then I remembered this video.  It’s from the Vlogbrothers channel about five years ago, while John was on his first paternity leave.  Strangely enough, it made me feel better.  And now, hopefully, I’m getting to the ‘slightly less sucking’ stage.  We’ll see!

What motivates y’all when you hit a writing pit of despair?

P.S.  My manuscript hit 50,032 words this week!  Huzzah!