Kevin, Squeaker, and I moved apartments last week! We’re in the same building, but in a shiny new place. And let me tell you, we were peak efficiency. As it should be, really, since this was Kevin & my sixth move in twelve years.

Here’s how we achieved it.

The Best Way to Move House

1. Be optimistic! Don’t buy boxes to pack your things. Put everything you can fit into all your reusable shopping bags and suitcases. Feel confident that you can just unload everything in the new place then come back and do it again. How many trips can it take? Three?
2. Have one partner come down with a really nasty bug. Fever over 100. Can’t get up. Really nasty. It’s cool! Easy move. Like, 7 trips with the shopping bags. You’ve got this.
3. Have the other partner come down with the nasty bug, complete with fever over 100 for a couple days. At this point you should be on, approximately, the 500th trip with the shopping bags and neither of you can take a break because you only have three days to complete the move.
4. On the last day of the move, panic. Throw all your belongings into trash bags and haul them to the new place. If possible, lose your voice entirely so when a neighbor asks you if you need help you rasp in a horror-movie voice.
5. Spend the next two days in bed in the new apartment, surrounded by drift piles of your belongings, hobbling occasionally to the kitchen to get tea and/or soup. You’ll unpack later.

And there you have it! Out of half a dozen moves, by far my best managed. Follow these simple steps and your transition to a new living space will be seamless and easy.

What is your best moving tip? Do you move a lot? Have you also been terribly ill recently? Let me know!